wallow

My life is a mess. I have become callous and insensitive. I come late to work and appointments, unmindful of the people waiting for me to arrive.

I have become numb and unfeeling. I don't care as much for people anymore. I don't ask questions, and I don't want to hear answers.

I have become lazy and irresponsible. This body that used to rise at 6am, now keeps me in bed till 10am -- on a weekday! :O

I have lost my self-control. I play computer games when I want to play computer games -- even if I have to wake up early the next day.

I have become mediocre and ordinary. Excellence is no longer a way of life. I am now content to sit on the sidelines instead of leading a group towards improvement and change.

I have become reclusive. I shun company fearing people would wear me out.

I have become fearful. I have lost my adventurous spirit. I am now afraid to try new things. I am scared of failure, of making mistakes, of being vulnerable.

I have become sadder with each passing year. Only seldom do I now appreciate the stars that embellish the sky, or the moon that adorns the heavens. I have lost the song in my heart.

My life is a mess. Only God can help me now.

the adventures of the "mini-boss": apprehensive

why is it that we ask God to bless us with great things, but when He does, we are not that thankful?

at the start of the year, i sensed that God has something big in store for me. now i kinda have an idea what it is.. our company just had me scheduled for a US visa interview on march 7! :O if i get a visa, they want me to be in the US by march 14. i will be a "mini-boss" in a foreign land.

i dunno why, but i am not yet excited about the whole thing. call me ungrateful, but i was actually opposed to the idea the first time i was informed of the interview. i wanted to celebrate my birthday here. i wanted to stay here in my safe, little corner of the world. i wanted to stay as far away as possible from our English-speaking clients. i wanted to stay as near as possible to my support group, my comfort zone. i wasn't ready to leave.

after a few pep talks (with my big boss and close friends), i'm warming up to the idea, slowly but surely. i must admit it's a great opportunity. not everybody in the company is given this chance (and to think i just joined the company last january 3). as my boss (oh, how i love my boss!) says, the sooner i accept my role, the sooner i can prepare to fulfill it. besides, if God gives me this opportunity, He must think i'm ready for it. who am i to disagree with God? He knows me better than i know myself. and yes, God will see me through this, as He had time and time again.

the adventures of the "mini-boss": prologue

sorry, should have posted this several weeks ago.

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if you're a gamer like me, you would know what a big boss is. he's that creature you have to kill in order to get to the next level. he is usually surrounded by his minions. what does this have to do with me? well, i just got transferred to a new project and assigned as team leader, the "mini-boss" -- the right-hand creature of the big boss.

the adventures of the "mini-boss": girly

we're having a client from the US later in the office, and i'm bringing out the big guns -- i'm wearing a skirt and my strappy heels ;) i know i look good in a skirt, and my self-esteem needs an extra boost today. besides, i like wearing skirts, and guys seem to like skirts too (i wonder why...).

and oh yeah, please remember me in your prayers. i need them more than skirts, strappy heels or anything else.

dili man ko bisaya

"bisaya ka, 'day?" a tricycle driver asked me, while i was walking home last night. i know i look "bumbay" or even "turkish", as one of my friends opined. but "bisaya"? i didn't think so. maybe that's just his poor excuse for a pick-up line ;) *sigh* i've always suspected i'm a jologs magnet :-\

survey of threes

Three names you go by:

1. liz/liez/whiez
2. zel/cel
3. lizzie

Three screen names you have had:

1. akane
2. turkangel
3. turkangel79

Three things you like about yourself:

1. i eat a lot, but i don't get fat
2. i'm easy to please
3. i'm a fast learner

Three things you don't like about yourself:

1. i am usually grouchy
2. i need lots of sleep
3. i sleep and wake up late

Three parts of your heritage:

1. my skinny frame
2. my poor eyesight
3. my love for singing

Three things that scare you:

1. crossing the street
2. the thought of having surgery/operation
3. making a certain mistake twice

Three of your everyday essentials:

1. sleep
2. food
3. toothbrush

Three things you are wearing right now:

1. contact lenses
2. tank top
3. maong shorts

Three of your favorite bands (or artists) at the moment:

1. eraserheads
2. m.y.m.p.
3. maroon5

Three of your favorite songs at present:

1. a little bit (m.y.m.p.)
2. a fairy tale: worlds collide (plumb)
3. accidentally in love (counting crows)

Three new things you want to try in the next 12 months:

1. play the violin
2. create a colored artwork
3. cook sinigang

Three things you want in a relationship (love is a given):

1. trust
2. good communication
3. acceptance

Two truths and a lie (*guess which one's the lie):

1. i used to join singing contests back in high school.
2. i used to be editor-in-chief back in high school.
3. i used to teach pre-school sunday school back in high school.

Three physical things about the opposite sex (or same) that appeal to you:

1. eyes
2. dimples
3. nose

Three things you just can't do:

1. eat fast
2. eat without drinking between spoonfuls
3. do math in my head

Three of your favorite hobbies:

1. play computer games
2. badminton
3. reading

Three things you want to do badly right now:

1. play warcraft with the boyz
2. buy a digicam
3. go shopping

Three careers you're considering:

1. programming
2. teaching
3. administrative/secretarial

Three places you want to go on vacation:

1. palawan
2. boracay
3. puerto galera

Three kid's names:

1. lisa
2. leigh
3. tala (or some other Tagalog name)

Three things you want to do before you die:

1. get married
2. own a house
3. create an oil painting

all in a day's commute

a taxi nearly ran over me today. and this was while i was walking on the pedestrian lane! is it not enough that we commuters have to contend with overpasses, while they have EDSA to themselves?! and here i was, an ordinary citizen trying to abide by the law. grrr... maybe i'm so thin that drivers don't see me.. (*sigh*) i hate crossing the street :(