i'm pretty

here's an article i wrote about three years ago, which i dug up from my "baul" ;)

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i'm pretty

The other day, a friend told me that he couldn’t understand why a common friend of ours has such low self-esteem just because nobody’s courting her. I told him I understood her. Naturally, he asked why. At that time, I couldn’t give him an explanation, because I didn’t know either; I just knew I understood. Now I do...

I grew up with other girls -- my sisters and cousins. I know I may sound boastful, but I can say that we have good genes. Now, you just can’t imagine the stress of being compared to pretty girls, and knowing you don’t measure up. Sometimes, it was all right with me, because I have my academics to be proud of. Other times, it wasn’t. You see, I wore glasses when most children my age don’t. I guess you could say that I looked like a nerd then.

Years went by, and my high school days began. Most of my close friends then had suitors -- being among the prettiest in the class. In fact, they were so pretty that they were chosen muses (in class, clubs, during intramurals, etc.) every year! Of course, courtship was a normal happening -- to others maybe, but not to me. I wondered -- I’m relatively intelligent, and nice to most everybody except to the bad boys of the class -- so why don’t I... And it dawned upon me that it was because I was not pretty.

I entered college, and I was overwhelmed with how many Christian guys in UP were. And were they “crush”-able! And like any other girl, I had crushes too -- three major ones at one time, in fact. My looks also improved by then, thanks to modern technology. (No, I didn’t get plastic surgery.) There were times when I looked into the mirror and actually liked what I saw.

But then I discovered that my “lovey-doveys” had fallen for other girls—girls prettier and far more beautiful than me. It was also during that time when I discovered that I wasn’t as intelligent as I thought I was. I wasn’t even as nice. In fact, there were times when I really hated myself. At the worst times, I even asked God to let me die, to take me home -- to heaven -- because I didn’t want to hurt people anymore. And I was very much depressed (the understatement of the year!). I began to ask God if anybody could ever love me.

It was during those times that God told me that in His eyes, I’m beautiful -- when He looks at me, He sees Jesus, and therefore, I look perfect! That’s because once in my life, I invited Jesus to be my Lord and Savior. So now He’s living in my heart. And someday I’ll be just like Him -- very beautiful!

Moreover, He told me I should find my security in Him. He told me that He loves me despite how I look. In fact, because of His great love, He even sent His Son to die for me on the cross, didn’t He? And He will never stop loving me, even if nobody else would. And for me, that’s what really matters... That’s all that really does...